“As a single parent how do I find the right person when I hardly have time to make friends and time to build that rapport. I generally prefer quality over quantity in connection”
Time is precious when it comes to finding love, so anything which squeezes time makes things harder. Being a single parent is one of the most time intensive things you can do (especially if you’re a working single parent), so it’s no wonder it feels like there will never be time to find love, let alone have space to make the most of it.
As with so many things it’s about working smarter, not harder. Yes, of course you could bump into ‘A One’ whilst standing in the queue at the supermarket but, let’s face it, it’s not likely. By all means keep your eyes and heart open to those opportunities if they happen, but take some time to plan out where you will be most likely to encounter people. Book a babysitter and go to a singles networking event (which are very different to speed dating type things as the point is about making new friends and not quick in/quick out situationships), go to new places with the kids and make a point to mix with other single parents outside of your normal friendship groups. The former will allow you to remember what it’s like to be a single adult in a fun way again, the latter will put you around people who understand the challenges of being a single parent. And, contrary to common beliefs, there are definitely eligible single dads out there!
If you do find someone who makes you excited to spend time with them, try your best not to test the depth of the water with both feet. Don’t jump into things and expect everything to fall into place overnight; kids on either side present a world of complications that will take time to work through. If they’ve got kids then be mindful of their priorities and conflicting emotions, and if they haven’t then realise they probably won’t have a true understanding of your own challenges. They won’t truly understand how it feels to want to spend all your time with your kids and yet want to spend time as an adult too. Don’t rush things or get impatient; let things slowly settle into place like snow covering a wasteland.
As a single parent I can only imagine that where you physically, energetically and emotionally invest your time is really important. You may find yourself feeling a little let down if you’re not able to see romantic results after a date or wherever you navigate your search for love. It’s something I certainly hear quite often, you are not alone.
I would firstly recommend that you take a moment to create space to take stock about the search for love and ask yourself some important questions such as – what kind of person am I looking to meet and would they also be searching for romantic connection in the same place as me? Am I currently enjoying the search for that significant other? And if not, why not? It’s important that you’re equally as clear on your strategy to meeting your match as you are about the kind of person you are looking to meet, that way you will invest your time and energy in the right places for you, once you’ve figured it all out.
It’s important to remember that we need to feel happy and fulfilled every day, and if we don’t then what is it all for? Ensure you’re practising some self-care as best you can to give yourself the space you deserve to take care of you. If you’re struggling to create space for yourself, the law of attraction would suggest that you may struggle to create space for a significant other too.
Finally, I would say that you should do things that connect you with like-minded people as well as romantic potentials, building your social circle with others who are in a similar boat to you will ensure that you creating connection all around. Ensuring your focus is on connection, fun and making memories will lower the emotional pressure for you around finding a partner and when the pressure is low and fun is at the forefront of your mind, anything can happen.
You can submit your dating questions over to Sarah and Glen for review over at firstname.lastname@example.org and if you would like to get offline and get connected join us by checking out our events here.