I fall into traps. On internet dates I expect things and rarely get them.
Maybe I’m just greedy, but maybe my expectations are wrong. So let’s deconstruct this. What do I expect and what do I want from a date?
What I expect on a date is a jolly nice time. I expect the other party to be engaging, hopefully funny, interested in me as well as disclosing good stories or bitesize chunks about himself. (Just to clarify, I’d expect this from a woman too if I was gay.)
What I want is to establish some form of connection, whether to do with our backgrounds, our interests, or our sense of humour.
What I get tends to be very different. And for me, the difficulty lies in the format. (I’m hoping My Friend Charlie might offer something different.)
Naturally, on an internet date there’s a hell of a lot of ground to cover. And one of the traps I fall into is that I ask too many questions. It’s a problem of mine. I’m a journalist after all – I trade in questions. The word ‘trade’ is key. Boys don’t tend to ask questions back – a date should be an exchange. What normally happens to me is that I learn about the whole life of the other party, and he gets to know very little about me. I could probably write a short bio for each date I’ve had.
Something else that comes out of this is that the other party tends to think that I’m really massively into them because I’m asking so many questions, so they go in for the kiss at the end of the night. Instant fail.
I’ll admit here, I’ve never been on a second internet date. It’s me that’s probably at fault. I should probably talk about myself more, but I also feel that I want the other person to show an interest in me. And believe me I’ve tried – I’ll ask 3 questions consecutively, let him answer, then leave a pause. Thirty seconds to a minute goes by. It’s a long time in the ‘flow’ of conversation. No question from him… So… What kind of music do you listen to?